im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
