I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
