she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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