why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
