I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
