I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
