i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
