and next time when you feel me up, do it right
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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