So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
