I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
