I'm gonna have a badass scar
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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