I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You pole danced in your parka.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
