Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
