My Higher Power is John Stamos
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
