Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
