you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
