Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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