nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
