my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize