Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
