How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
