is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
