Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
