I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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