I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
