I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
