38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
