You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
