when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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