Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
