So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
