I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize