Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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