I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
