dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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