K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
