At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
