I'm so fucking centered right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
