Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
