i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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