The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
