So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize