if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
