I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
