Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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