Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
