I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
