I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
