she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
