ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
