Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
