I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
