it hurts more in the daytime
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
