she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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