Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
