Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
