The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize