I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
try to milk me bitch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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