Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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