One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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