Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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