She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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