So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
