I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
