talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
