that's an acceptable place to lick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize