She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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