i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You ate ashes out of my bong
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