Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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